Random thoughts... snippets of life in rural New England
Published on August 21, 2005 By HC1240 In Misc
I’m becoming my mother. This transformation is a subtle thing, but it’s there just the same. When I first noticed it, I was… chagrined.

At times, I am dealing with my children and certain phrases pop out of my mouth: “This house is not a gymnasium!” “Do you hear me?” “Did you grow up in a barn?” As I utter the words, I can almost imagine that my voice turns into the voice of my mother. There’s an edge to it, but not a course or brittle one, just different. Her voice is a little deeper than mine, a little clearer. My mother’s voice is smooth, unhindered by the raspy tinge of years of smoking—unlike my own. Yet the words are the same. I hear myself repeating the quotes and am instantly taken back in time twenty years.

For ages my mother directed the music and drama ministries at my church. I remember clearly the day she “passed the baton”—only it wasn’t a baton. My mom had grown tired of the work this duty involved and I was fresh at the reigns, eager and full of excitement for this new venture. I had already begun taking over many of the responsibilities. During a choir rehearsal, my Dad appeared with a tall canvas “Director’s Chair”. My parents had lovingly had my name and the word “Director” silk screened onto the back of the chair. Everyone clapped and I cried. In retrospect, I can see it was another step in becoming my mother.

About five years ago, I found myself at the cash register of a department store with an outfit I had spent all of ten minutes selecting: black stretch pants, a green shirt, a jacket with off-white, black and green woven into a plaid type pattern. “Oh my gosh!” I muttered. “This is exactly what Mom would wear!” It was an odd sensation.

I’m married to a wonderful man who is so much like my father it’s scary. They have the same unique sense of humor, they are both men of faith, and they each fix computers for a living. If I “married my father” as people tell me, doesn’t that make me more like my mother?

When I first began noticing how much I was like my mother (I was in my early twenties), I cringed inwardly. Do all young parents hope to be different from their parents? Do they all consider themselves in some way superior? I did. I was not becoming my mother!

As I’ve matured, however, I’ve discovered my mother to be a woman of impeccable character and high moral standards. She has incredible strength and wisdom; she is courageous, bold, opinionated and not hesitant to voice her opinions. She has raised three children, managed a household and upheld all the duties of a pastor’s wife for over twenty years. She is a published author, an accomplished painter, a seamstress, a counselor, a leader in her church family, and my best friend. She has been and done all of these things at the same time and has made it look easy, although now that I myself am an adult I know it was anything but easy. I have incredible love and respect for my mother. I cherish her friendship above all others, and in my maturity have come to yet another realization: There are worse things I could become than my mother. With each day that passes, I wish I were more like her.

Comments (Page 1)
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on Aug 21, 2005
You're so lucky to have such a great relationship with your mother. I often find myself out and about and see women with their mothers and just feel a sense of what I've missed out on. I have a mom but we are not close. Never have been and never will be. We exchange birthday and Christmas cards and that's about it.

I have three boys so even though I hope we have a close relationship, it will never be the mother daughter bond. What kills me is my friends who complain about their mothers being too pushy, too involved and I think yeah I see your point but I can also see that its coming from love.
on Aug 21, 2005
Wow. Keep writing, I like your style, as well as the message. It sounds, as is true for me, that you are full of gratitude for your life. Very positive!
on Aug 21, 2005
At least you are not yelling, "Close the door we aren't cooling/heating the whole neighborhood!".

It is wonderful that you can see the full circle between mother and daughter. I think all young girls have that attitude that they are not going to become their mother and as you said, in the end you want to be more like your mother.

nice read.
on Aug 21, 2005
Hell, No I will not become my DAD!

It happened anyhow, I'm no carbon copy but I realize that he raised me and it was good and I'm trying to pass it on to my kids, the good stuff that is.....
on Aug 21, 2005
Hey Heather! I'm glad you realize that being like your mom is a good thing. She is a super lady and I have a lot of respect for her....and your dad also. I thank God for their friendship. As for you!...... You are still your own person. I have seen she enormous changes in you. All for the best! I am glad we are "Friends". God has blessed me with our friendship. You have great talents that you just haven't fully put to use yet, but I see them coming out more and more. Continue to stay strong in your walk! God bless you my friend!
Love Ya!
Me
on Aug 22, 2005

I have a sister 12 years my junior.  I remember one day she was going on about something (my first was in the oven, but I had no children then), and I smacked her down verbally.  Only to realize that I had just said one of the classic mother lines.

And I am not a mother!  I was 25 when I realized that, yep, I am my parents now.  But being a father, I do the father thing with my children.  The most hated line? "When I was your age......".  The kdis got me a t-shirt with that on it about 5 years ago for Father's day.

on Aug 22, 2005
Wow. Keep writing, I like your style, as well as the message. It sounds, as is true for me, that you are full of gratitude for your life. Very positive!

Thanks

I have a mom but we are not close. Never have been and never will be. We exchange birthday and Christmas cards and that's about it.

I'm sorry... I do know how blessed I am. Perhaps something will happen one day to change that for you.


nice read.

Thank you, Kelly


She is a super lady

She sure is
I am glad we are "Friends". God has blessed me with our friendship.

Me too!




bless you my friend!Love Ya!

Right back at ya
on Aug 23, 2005
It's funny (strange) HC how we always said to ourselves as children I will never be like my mom. What with all the times that we've been corrected or told not to do something. It's not until we grow up and get older that we realized why she did and said what she did. Especially after having kids of our own. And as we get even older, that's when moms and daughters become best friends and when we so want to be just like mom!

Nice blog!
on Aug 23, 2005
And as we get even older, that's when moms and daughters become best friends and when we so want to be just like mom!

I love that my mom is my best friend. And yes... the older I get, the more I realize she was right.


Nice blog!

Thanks!
on Aug 24, 2005
Wow. Keep writing, I like your style, as well as the message.

Thanks, Dr.

At least you are not yelling, "Close the door we aren't cooling/heating the whole neighborhood!".

*hiding a sheepish grin* Nah.. I'm guilty of this one too.

on Aug 24, 2005

*hiding a sheepish grin* Nah.. I'm guilty of this one too.

How about the starving kids in Africa line?

on Aug 24, 2005
hiding a sheepish grin* Nah.. I'm guilty of this one too.

How about the starving kids in Africa line?


Or the one about turning out the lights? Wadda ya got everylight in the house on for?
on Aug 25, 2005
Haven't used the starving kids in Africa one yet... we sponsor a child from Compassion International, so I guess it doesn't need to be said.

Yes... we gripe about the lights ALL the time... and the TV... and the computer... and fans running in rooms that no one is in... and standing there with the refrigerator door open while they decide what it is they'd like to take out of it.
on Aug 25, 2005
Yes... we gripe about the lights ALL the time... and the TV... and the computer... and fans running in rooms that no one is in... and standing there with the refrigerator door open while they decide what it is they'd like to take out of


The light one is the most famous in my parents home. The africa one got my brother smacked. His reply was "Well send it to them". "SMACK"! I guess that's what you get for being a wise guy.
on Aug 25, 2005
The africa one got my brother smacked. His reply was "Well send it to them".

Been there... said that... got more dinner heaped on my already full plate. Think it was corned beef... blech!
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