(if you know who gets credit for composing this, pls let me know :) )
Idiot’s Guide to Becoming a Troll …..
Part One:
Ever dreamed of becoming a Troll? Having FMs up in arms about YOUR posts? Be banned under different usernames four times this week (and its only 10am Monday morning)?….well sit back all will be revealed *wink*
Tips and Tricks for Newbie Trolls:
· As a Troll you must be rude to at least one poster before your third post under any username – how else are people meant to identify you as a troll eh? You could easily be confused for a tipsy FM.
· For your first ‘outing’ as a Troll, consider telling the entire Forum that they are all sad and need to get a life (or that it is full of bored house wives works equally as well). If done correctly this should enrage a number of FMs who stop fighting amongst themselves to join forces and turn on you.. You will have successfully got yourself noticed. Well done.
· It is strongly recommended by The Troll Society that you end any trolling session with a declaration that you are “leaving this dump” (best to start a new thread for this), but remember to return after going to the loo and making a coffee under a different username……
· It is always best to lurk for a while and try to discover who the ‘nice’ people are on the forum and attack them first. This is the course of action most likely to result in the greatest outcry.
· If you are struggling to think of a witty reply to a comment from a FM, then you should use the CAPS LOCK KEY, this will effectively divert other posters from your temporary lack of wit as they will be telling you to ‘stop shouting’.
When, not if, you are pulled up by FMs / the mods (or aliens if you want to believe in conspiracy theories *wink*) it is normal part of trolling along to consider and choose one of the following options (if one doesn’t work try a combination)
(a) “They started it!" adding a mad smilie is optional, but much improves the response to post ratio.
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“The mods are just picking on me, those losers”, this strategy is particularly useful when aiming to be banned. Remember being banned will increase your reputation amongst other Trolls and you may in fact reach Troll Legend status. (more on this later *wink*)
(c) “Freedom of speech…” this is an advanced strategy and should only be used once you feel comfortable with trolling along. It is particularly useful for ‘converting’ FMs to your cause and can advance to higher Troll status levels.
If you have followed the “Guide” correctly you are now a Troll. Congratulations.
Part Two:
Troll Society Membership:
Becoming a “respected” member of the Troll Society (established at some point in time) sounds relatively easy doesn’t it? Well think again. There are certain rules with regards to Troll etiquette that should be followed….
The Troll Society has identified a number of different trolls, it is expected that there are a number of other ‘undiscovered’ trolls out there. Perhaps you could be the creator of a new brand troll (note this will achieve instant Troll Legend status as you will have caught FMs unaware and they may not know how to respond to you *wink*)
As a troll you must be able to spot another troll in your territory (unfortunately trying to pee on the forum to mark your dominance is unlikely to work and may result in electrocution. Best not eh?). If you notice another troll, it is courteous to try to offend them as well. But be careful not to get too involved in their posting as FMs may just leave the both of you to it.
Part Three:
The Troll Hierarchy:
The Random Troll – also known as The Causal Troll. This a rather anxious troll who only occasionally pops in to cause offence, (usually because it took them a few days to think of a post) but enjoys watches the fruits of their trolling ways….
The “Whoops I Got Banned Again” Troll – also known as the “Have You Missed Me” Troll, this is a rather endearing troll consistently has their username banned, yet returns to tell the forum who they last were…...ah bless!
The Troll Legend – this is the highest accolade that can be given to a Troll. As a troll legend you have somehow managed to persist on the Forum, have argued, annoyed, and eventually converted the Forum to your own strange sense of humour. Well done. You can now fade into obscurity in the safe knowledge that tales of your trolling ways will be handed down to the newbies….."